xoxo {♥}

The holidays are killing me I swear. Actually, it's homework. Yesterday night, I was determined to get something done, especially maths, so I started work at 9p.m. I worked and cracked my brain till 4 a.m. in the morning and could only manage to finish paper 1 and half of paper 2. I couldn't sleep at all, probably because of the coffee and my really long afternoon nap. I rolled on my bed for another 2 hours, just smsing Basil until I had to force myself to sleep. I thought I would have woken up in the afternoon or something but surprisingly, I woke up at 9. Only 3 hours of sleep so I decided to force myself to sleep even for a little bit more. I woke up at 10 and really couldn't go back to sleep. Only 4 hours of sleep and I felt really hyper. Goodness, coffee works really well huh? xDD

I decided to help Syafiq print his coursework and went to the living room. Mum started talking to me so I suppose we're okay now. I went to do alittle bit more of maths before passing Syafiq his coursework. We joked around at the busstop for a while before heading back home. Mummy wanted to go to the beach for some event thinggy with her friends so I had no choice but to tag along. So I got ready and stuff. Ah, and I'm finally getting use to my bangs. I was determined to finish my maths paper 2 so I went to coffee bean with Jessie. Bought frappe (honestly, I don't like hot coffee), and did my work. Finally I was done and really happy because it's like an accomplishment to me. HAHA. After that went home. I initially wanted to continue maths but goodness, exercise 2 is killer, I swear it. And the cab reeked so I got car sick. I felt really queasy so I didn't feel like continuing. So now I'm blogging. Still feeling abit nauseous but it'll go, I hope.

Damn, I feel really tired.

xoxo {♥}

I seriously need something to motivate me to study. Suppose to study now but usually after D&T and showering, I suddenly feel awfully letargic. So I HAVE HAVE HAVE to make tomorrow full study day. No Distractions and just study. Need to finish at least 2 maths paper, 4 paper 2s and 1 paper 1. (God, I must be kidding myself.) Anyways, it's an aim, I don't have to reach it xD No no! Wrong mindset! I must at least finish 3/4 of my aim. Yeah. Ah, I'm still pondering on whether or not I should bring my phone down tomorrow. Sms-ing can be REALLY REALLY distractive, no offence hun ;D

P.S. Should I go for class picnic? I wanna watch transformers. ):

xoxo {♥}

Okay, I'm in a rather foul mood now. Dammit. When I was away, my mum read my fucking blog, and when i got back she fucking nagged at me for having so much vulgarities on my blog. Okay, firstly, the only time I keep spitting out vulgarities would be when I'm really pissed off, like now. Secondly, it just so happen to be the most recent posts. Thirdly, this is really MY blog, meaning, MY diary, MY journal, MY thoughts, MY mind. Don't fucking rule over eveything because I have a life and it's really just so fucking different from yours. I'm vulgar, so what? It doesn't mean I'm a slut. Please, adjust yourself to the new century cause you're still living in your 80's I swear it. ARGGGH! Okay, I'm still so fucking pissed. I just got back not too long ago. I shall shower and sleep, after I awake, I shall update about the better things that happened today. Phew.

Edit:

Okays. I'm back from my bath but I didn't sleep because I suddenly woke up. Oh.. magical. So maybe I should share my day with everyone? Sigh. I woke up today morning at like 8.15 because I needed to head down to school to do my D&T again. Shirin only came at the very end because she's still under quarantine. LOL. Checked our work but the whole lot of us really just wanted to get the hell out. So we escaped from her and I headed to the busstop. I was suppose to pass the blonde wig to Syafiq but in the end I couldn't find it. So I went straight to Ngee Ann City in Orchard to get materials for my Grad Night. While I was reaching Art Friend, I got a text message from Daniel saying that our Grad Night has been postponed to a later date because of H1N1. Okay, funny reation I gave him lol. But seriously, %$&^!! We got our mask, dress and everything for the celebration and it has to be postponed to a school month?! How uncustomary. Sigh. I suppose it has to be done.

So, I got really pissed (not at the PSL, don't get me wrong) and diverted myself from the place. I decided to get the maths book because I seriously need to start on homework soon. I was wondering if there was a popular bookshop around Orchard but I suppose not so I took bus 16 to Bras Basar. Bought the book and walked to Raffles City cause I wanted to buy something else. I was walking around the mall but apparently I couldn't find what I wanted and tried recalling any shops I may have seen it in. The first thing that popped into my head was Vivo City. Due to circumstances, I was too tired to think of any other place so my body automatically moved towards the MRT station. A lady came up to me to ask for directions. Lol. I made my way to Vivo and tada! I was right, I did find it! Not in the same shop though.

I felt like taking a bus back home so I did. Took 10 home. The ride was pretty long, yet, pretty short. Maybe because I knew the surroundings well. Hehe. When I reached home, mum nagged at me and then Syafiq called saying he was coming to my busstop. So I rushed down to pass my blonde wig to him only to forget about my wallet. I rushed back up and then down again. I passed the paper bag to him and he gave me back my 'Flipped' book. He actually tried the wig at the busstop which was pretty funny. Hehe. Reminds me of Mayella. After a moment of jokes and chatter, we parted. I headed back for home and he took the bus to school. God, when I got back home, it was hell. I shall not pursue with any focus about the situation cause I don't wanna remember it.

I took a bath and now I'm blogging and messaging Basil. Oh, and I think this is really cute! ♥

xoxo {♥}

Okay, my MSN is acting like a fucking cunt. I keep getting signed out and it's so fucking annoying I swear. And to spare those people who do not like repeated "-Whatever- just signed in", I decided to lock my sign in as Appearing offline. Since whoever is reading this, knows this, yes, I am indeed online. Or maybe I'm not. Whatever, you decide.

I'm in a pretty pissed off mood now because of the connection. I really hate editting the template of my blog because it takes up alot of time. Yes, I've changed it and I don't like everything about it. Simplicity is good but I don't like the fact you can't click. Maybe I can edit that later but there are other things I wanna do as well. Ah. I have the tendency to complain about something that I want changed and did change. Like my hair. I couldn't stop complaining about it but I finally got used to it. God, I wish my fringe would grow at least a little bit more. Until it touches my eyes at least.

Erh. I should really control my vulgarities because it's so fucking unlady-like but I can't help it when I'm just so fucking pissed. Garrh. And I just remember I have yet to reply to the nice man's e-mail. But when i was typing it half-way, I didn't know how to explain how I recommitted myself to Jesus. Sigh. I'm really in no mood to think. I miss my partners in crime. All the bad things happened after Emily left. OMG! EMILY STOLE THE GOODLUCK OATMEAL! Or maybe it was the spices and garnishers she stole off my mum's kitchen shelves. Goodness, she stole our goodluck too! ♥ haha

My atrocious mood converted a little. Onto the better side. Peacy outu unglam bitches ;D

P.S. I'm so gonna fucking scan my laptop tonight. MSN is giving me a whole lot of fucking problems. I wanna fucking kill it if it were a fucking living thing. Be a tree and I'll fucking cut you down, bitch.

xoxo {♥}

Okay, so I went to cut my hair today. This is it's length. Supposedly bangs but because of how weird I look without make-up, I decided to part it at one side and probably stay that way. I really wanna try vodka. Someone, buy it for me, please (:

xoxo {♥}

This song is one of the songs belonging to Kate Voegele which I am pretty much addicted to. It's really emotional and very true, especially to those who just got their hearts broken (: Enjoy~

xoxo {♥}

I wanted to blog about something but after I left my room and ate some lays potato chips in the living room, i forgot. I'm still trying to recall but anyhow, today was a long day I suppose. I had to wake up at 7.30am in the morning just to get ready for Alex and Cecilia's wedding. It was held in Saint Mary of the Angels church located at Bukit Batok. Yeah, it was really far but the church is literally located and built on the hill so it's rather lovely. It was a wedding cum mass, sort of similar to my aunt Aunty's wedding in Indonesia. After the wedding we had reception and goodness, the desserts were just scrumptious. The food was, meh, passable but the jelly, chocolate e-clair, custurd puff, coloured e-clair and cake were truly delicious. Actually we were suppose to head out to parkway but due to my mum's lack of sleep because of paranoia and the fear that my dad might suddenly start snoring, we did not. Heh. So we headed home where I got clean and slept till 3 ish 4.

Jeff was lying on my bed posing in some extremely weird poses so I decided it was a good opportunity to take a pic of his brand new tattoo. The art is rather nice isn't it? But he said it was unbearable which got me to think twice of getting a small one on my wrist. Oh bother, mine would probably be only 15 minutes of pain, torture and agony.

Well, back to where I was. After waking up, I felt rather hungry so I walked into the dining area where I was greeted by my mum. "You should have taken your dress to dry-clean." Not really the greeting I was looking forward to but it's better than a naggy mum. I entered the kitchen, delving the place for food but nothing seemed to have made an interest on me. So I asked my Dad for cash and ate downstairs with Jeff. He had vegetarian rice while I had chicken chop. Brother and sister bond. I had orange juice when he had Carlsberg. He actually asked if I wanted some alcohol but I didn't feel like drinking beer. It's too bitter for me thanks.

So we travelled to the supermarket where he got a bottle of Lime Breezer. 4.8%, kinda pathetic but yeah, it'll do for then. Drank pratically 3/4 of it. So much more quicker than the previous bottle cause I was pratically gulping and gulping. It's nice to drink in gulps, in my opinion. On the way home, Jeff said his friend would be giving him vodka tomorrow and that he'll let me try the whole bottle and see if my alcohol tolerance is high or not. I'll post up the results some other time.

And my boyfriend is apparently still sleeping because he's dying from Vodka yesterday. Silly, when I asked if he was drunk he just said it was headaches. Meh. Now he finds out he's allergic to alcohol. No more clubbing plans for you, so sleep tight and get well soon, oh, and stretch more to get rid of body aches. It helps, seriously. Bleecch.

Oh, and just a side note. My mum friends daughter is getting married to her fiance on the first of August this year. It'll be church wedding and then cocktail and dinner reception at Ritz-Carlton hotel. Definitely cannot wait for this wedding because in my opinion, it'll be really good (: especially dinner, yum yum. I should attend more weddings. I asked mum if she can send me overseas next time and she said she'll think about it so chances would be, 60-40? Meh, depends where and who I suppose.

Anyways, Cheers.

xoxo {♥}

Happy Birthday Big Brother! :D

I doubt you'll even read this but my wishes here still count!
(sorry the terrible photo qualities. Didn't have time and lazy to use scanner xDD)
Okay, I shall start by reminiscing little moments as kids because that's when we were tight and really just bestfriends (:
Remember when Mummy could walk and she had those weird 80's hairstyle? She smoked then and now she's stopped. I wish you would too (:How about the time we stayed in Malaysia? We would always go to the beach together to build sand castles and lie on the hammock. We always shared, seldom did we argue about possesion.Or how you could carry Jessica when she was little and I wasn't allowed to. Yeah, honestly, I was really jealous. xDAny random moments would be spent together. We shared the same room, tub, toys and never left each other.Ah! And how can anyone forget the toga outfits! I can still picture your crying face when we took the group photo. Mum and Dad were really party go-ers, huh?
I must admit, this is my favourite picture xD I bet you forgot this was taken before out baptism in Church. My goodness, we looked like dorks! Adorable dorks at that!
Okay, this picture doesn't have to do with anything BUT OMG! I bet you can't forget the times we'll laugh at Jessica for her cuteness and stupidity! Comel girl xD

Now that you're 18, you'll probably be going out late at night more often. Smoking more cigarettes and weeds. Start clubbing soon. Getting more and more tattoos. Maybe piercings. Soon you'll graduate from school and you'll go to university or look for a job. I'll probably still be studying then. Hopefully I can skip straight to University overseas. But whatever happens, we're still growing and nothing is going to stop our growth so, just to let you know, wherever you are, however you're feeling, I'll still pray for your well-being. (Goodness, it rhymes!) and also,
I love you (:

xoxo {♥}

You know, you're a real mother fucking shit head. Out of all my past and current boyfriends, you're the worse. Do you wanna know why? Because of you I worry about my curfew. Because of you I don't get to spend time with my darling friends. Because of you I feel so fucked up all the time. Because of you I feel so frustrated with school and homework. Because of you I feel so inferior. Because of you everything around me turned fucking upside down. Because o f you I lost everything. Because of you everyone lost their trust in me. Becasue of you the wind stopped blowing. Because of you I have many many many regrets. Because of you the sky was yucky everyday. Because of your lies and fallacies, I got fucking cheated. If our life together was written into a book, I'll give it all to the Africans to wipe their arses with. Actually, you know what, I bet the pages would infect their private areas. Poor darlings. They are suffering too much and yet I wanna make things worse? Tsk tsk to me. Fucking bitch, I hope you die. (:

And if you think I'm talking about my current boyfriend, head someone cause you suck. (: I'll never say nasty things about him. Okay, that's a lie but I'm being honest about how bitchy girls can be. Men, live with it.

Shall I start with my current then? You know Basil I'm really blanked out about what I wanna say. You're weird you know that? I'm sure you do (: You know something? Sometimes you drive me up the wall. Sometimes you make me wanna murder. Sometimes I feel so damn and confuse. But eversince I got together with you, I didn't expect our relationship to be the way it is now. We rarely see each other and we do a lot of virtual chatting. But the funny thing is, I feel comfortable the way our love life is lived. Just the way a relationship is suppose to feel like. Comfortable and easy. We dedicate a lot of our time to spend with friends and we like it this way. We only have less than 1 and 1/2 years with our possies but with each other, it'll be endless.

Haha, yeah, I remember the time we argued about God. I agree, I was really stupid indeed. But, it was our first real and major argument. I'm weird but sometimes, I do enjoy arguing. I don't really care with who because it gives me a feeling of strengthened bond at the end of the day. You may not think it improves friendships but I do, depending on the final outcome. Without going through rows, we won't be able to appreciate each other as much because improving imperfections is what we try to do to make each day different and special. Imagine being in a relationship that is only fun? God, that'll be seriously boring because emotions and affection would always be the same. Who wants to be in a mono relationship?

Oh and the armpit thing. Yuck. Shall skip on that cause I find it really gross and down-right weird! Even worse than puke eating. Blech!

We'll be going out tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that. Not too sure what we'll do after but the day belongs to you and I so whatever happens, it happens (: Heh. And I must sincerely apologise for having been such an intolerable girlfriend to you. If you need me to admit, I am pretty head-strong and egoistic. But, hey, if you don't wanna change what I don't like then, I won't change as well (: I mean this is in a positive way so don't get pissed.

Pig. Fuck head, I love you loads :D And since I'm a bitch, that makes you a dog. So if you combine it together then you are a sex-thirsty blow-jobbing dog. I think. Ah fuck it. (:

xoxo {♥}

Right now there are a few things I wanna blog about. Because I have this sudden urge to type them out and since I'm already blogging, might as well do so before I change my mind.

The other day when I went to get my dress, I bought a new book. It's called 'Secret Relations'. Honestly speaking, I don't know why or when I will even read it because I'm not done with my current book yet. I'm seriously taking my time reading. But after this I'll want to move on to 'Flipped' because I havn't touched that book yet. Oh, and now I wonder, where is my book? I think I lent it to someone and they have yet to return it back to me. Bother, I'll have to hunt him down. Hopefully he remembers or I'm making him buy me a new one. Blech. Oh, and Daddy bought me another book, 'How to Walk in High Heels' which is sitting next to my bed collecting dust. I'll have to start reading that soon as well. Also, so many little black dress books I crave to read. Probably will borrow Christine's books cause they all seem so interesting. I should get back into that reading habit. It'll help me alot for English, I'm sure.

Must finish 'A Spot of Bother' soon because I really need to get going.

xoxo {♥}

PSL grad night is coming up and I so needed a new dress -or so I thought- and I told mum, so we went to parkway to get a new dress. There were seriously so many to choose from and it was honestly speaking, oh-so difficult. In the end I chose a dress which cost us about $299? Ah and when we were on our way back, mum was saying I already have a lot of dresses and there really isn't a need to buy more, but knowing me, I retorted back saying that a new event means a new dress. Heh. Maybe I really am a spoilt brat. When I got home, I aligned all the costumes and dresses I have which are on my "Wear once or twice and that's it" list and took a picture. (See picture above) Obviously it looks better put on but yeah whatever. There are about 12 dresses there and most costing at least $100 or above.

I don't really buy a lot of casual clothes costing that much but does this make me a dressaholic? I love dresses and looking elegant, which explains my love for balls and formal events, but maybe this is a little too much. Maybe I should make my own ball dresses. That way it'll cost less and I'll be really unique. I still have next year's graduation so I still have time I hope.

But honestly speaking, these dresses have different memories on them. Sigh.

Red Velvet dress = Shinku Costume. My first cosplay. (:
Red Valvet dress = A vixen's costume. (:
Qi Pao and skirt = Heh. Chinese. (:
Black tube dress = First PSL Grad-night. (:
Blue one-strap dress = Belonged to mum. Wore it on BYD. (:
Purple dress = Last year's new year's day dress. (:
Shiny pink dress = Bridemaid's dress. (:
Goth Lolita = First Lolita dress. (:
Hot Pink dress = Second PSL Grad-night. (:
Rose Pink dress = Soon to be worn. (:
Yukata = My first Japanese Yukata. (:
Slim black dress = Can't remember. Lol.

xoxo {♥}

xoxo {♥}

The last time I visited church would be last Sunday. It felt good being inside again and I felt guilty for deserting the church for so long. It's not like I deserted God because he is where ever with you, but just a little habit I've yet to get attached to. I remember always complaining about going to church when I was younger. It would always bore me and mum had to keep pinching me so I wouldn't fall into deep slumber. Now the guilt is coming back and I want to be forgiven. Actually, I want to be forgiven for so many wrong things I did. I dunno if it's easy to erase these blackened memories I have and detest but honestly, I don't mind reiterating these bad images in my head because it gives me a reason to become better. I want to be forgiven by Him. That's all really. Kneeling and asking for forgiveness or just confessing it all out in a confession box, it doesn't matter how but I need to voice out my sins. Mentally or verbally, that doesn't matter as well.

I just wonder why the world is unfair and cruel. I talked to my mum about it and she told me that it just is. Nothing is fair and all should be taken as blessings and gifts. This is the reason why I always try to be optimistic. My mum told me that we should never look up at those who have more because that'll only create envy and jealousy, but we should look down at those who have less and be grateful for our position in life was given by God. It doesn't matter how life is now because at the end of the day, we'll die and end up at the same place. We humans are bodies and souls given by God, none of us are the same. Our mistakes and flaws are different from one another so we have no reason to judge the size or quantity of these sins because we are here to forgive and forget.

I wanna bring up a chain-mail that Christine sent to me. I've received this chain-mail a few times but never really thought too deeply about it because I didn't really care about what happens outside. At that moment though, it touched me. A woman was burnt almost to death in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Her life was destroyed completely but that didn't stop her from picking up the fragments of her life. Yes, it's not complete exactly to the way it was but the way she picked things up and assemble them is perfect into bringing her to the place she is at now. The man is regretful for having killed 2 people and caused a life of a girl to be turned upside down completely but she forgave him. She, a lady who lost so much, forgave this man, who almost killed her. You know why? Because now she's a role-model. To so many people out there who drink and drive, she can be seen as an example of the stupidity and ignorance of these people. How much more the world can learn from such happenings and how much more the world may improve from mistakes. Something so terrible and huge could cause miracles and understanding to happen. Life is so surreal. God never fails to amuse me.

Ah, okay, I'm rambling and getting a little off topic. Anyways, another thing about churches would be ghosts. I love looking at pictures of ghosts in churches, gives me a feeling of peace. I don't care whether it's fake or not, it just calms me down. Probably because it gives me a feeling of sanctuary when one is alone with God, bodied or not. I'll probably try going to churches alone next time. Not for masses but just my own praying time with God. I get a feeling of asylum when I know I'm sharing a shrine with him and myself. I'm sure everyone does. A church, makes me feel wanted.

Okay, I'm tired. As much as i would love to continue talking about God and how much I just want to motivate myself into praying more without shame, I really need to go. Periods are the worse ):

Nights! God bless (:

xoxo {♥}

Okay, today morning I woke up from bed (okay, technically couch) but anyways, I woke up confused and shocked. I'm sure I was dreaming about something at night and goodness was it weird. I'm sure I was dreaming about a day-time gig. I started off in a room. There was a small stage infront of me and musical instruments laid neatly on it. In a pretty systematic way if you ask me. And all of a sudden, the room got crowded. 'People' started appearing and the reason why I used ' ' is because these people were sims 2 people. I was like, what the hell. But the best thing was that infront of that little stage, Adam Lambert was singing! I wanted to like grab him but decided to do that later. After walking I saw Gerard Way! And the weirdest part was that, he looked like Orlando Bloom instead. It's funny because the person doesn't look how he is suppose to look but you just know that it's him. I ran to him and shouted that I'm a fan of his and he just gave me a fake smile. Blechh. After he turned around, I could tell his facial expression changed. It's like, he didn't want me there. I got pissed off so I talked to him but he brushed me off even more. Ah. And after that Adam disappeared from the stage -.-"

I woke up not too long after. I'm not too sure what scared me but I'm positive I got frightened out of slumberland because of it. Jessica was laughing hysterically at me, which pissed me off a little but I decided to join in the laughter. Haha.

After awhile, I showered and got dressed for school. Went with Dad to get my results. It was alright I guess. 16 points. I can still make it to sec 5! Yay! But maths was like.. blech. Daddy was saying that Jessica and I needs a math tutor but I fucking don't wanna go for any tuition. I've been independent when it comes to studies and I'll like to keep it that way. I mean, my schedule is already fucked, I don't wanna make it worse. Especially with D&T killing me, I'll rather pass off the idea. Thanks but no thanks.

Ah, I wanna sleep but I can't D:

xoxo {♥}